name : tiffany
faith : christian.
nationality : cbc.
status : <3
living in : toronto.
school / major : UT / pharmacy
.: my stats, as of 11/05/06 :.
mood : tired.
likes : my friends. bunnies fronting as pillows. keeners.
dislikes : exams. lack of sleep. keeners.
wishlist : "connections".
current distractions : dexter, top model, heroes.
wondering : hmmm, is it too late for me re-learn study habits?
Monday, September 29, 2003
flynap... NOT hasib's best friend... AHAHAHAHAHA! that's ok, you don't need those F1 crosses anyway... ahem. {wipes tear from eye} man, that made me laugh SO hard!
FLIP! FUDGE! FRICK! i apologise for the language.
I HAVE SO MUCH FREAKING WORK TO DO! I'M SO DEAD! PLEASE SHOOT ME NOW! strangely, i'm more worried about this stupid seminar than i am about the midterm.
time to "kay-toe" for tiffany right now... "i can do all things through Him who gives me strength..." (phil 4:13)
do the quiz! (refer to the bottom of the last two posts, or the links to the right.) i <3 my darling na-na-natalie and dearest suz because they did it! and i just plain love brandon too, so he gets a <3 for leaving me a message! so keep the quizzes and comments coming!! dude, i KNOW more than 3 people come to this page, so i better see those results soon!
posted @ 11:15:00 p.m.
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Sunday, September 28, 2003
good times, good times.
grace's family came over yesterday for grace's birthday, brought massive amounts of food, her dad made a "rabbit ears" antenna for our crappy tv fashioned out of twist ties (!), and we all went out to dinner to the silver wok (yum). when they left at around 9-ish, we decided not to go out seeing as it was pouring buckets outside, and opted to grab some smoothies at the juice bar downstairs and hole ourselves up with lotsa junk food, "radiance enhancer", some vino and watch a movie (about a boy). it was lotsa fun... hope you had a great 20th, sweetie!
today, went to church (really cool service), and went for the big celebratory birthday brunch... all the usual suspects were there (except for a few people who had gone home for the weekend), so the company was great and the eats were good (mmm... frittatas...).
Saturday, September 27, 2003
guess where i went for dinner with marco...
leonard.
as in, leonard caf.
i couldn't help it... i was curious to see what it was like inside... plus i strangely miss caf food. or perhaps just the abundance of it? the food itself wasn't too spectacular, but it wasn't bad. and the caf itself was much, much nicer than ban righ. (well, it had better be, after costing how many million? they really should have gone with those old chinese construction workers... but then there'd be no "ambience" at all... just a whole lotta fluorescent lighting! haha.) but yeah, saw keith there with a whole buncha other don/facilitator people and sat with them. had a thoroughly enjoyable time. have to hang out with marco again and see his room sometime. thanks for walking me!!!
fellowship was pretty good. turns out that i'm in alice's group! yay! i actually thought i was going to be put into steph's group, but the people in my cell group seem pretty nice, so it's all good. have high hopes!
was supposed to see underworld with jess and other afterwards, but despite my efforts to leave ccf earlier so i could be there on time, i arrived 5 minutes late. unfortunately, they had already gone inside (which i didn't realise until i had been standing outside for a few minutes)... when i went to see if i could find them inside the theatre, the movie had just started and i had no desire to walk up and down the aisles looking for them, so just went home.
at home, watched a movie on my comp, and talked with danny on msn. honestly, it's funny that i've only met him 4 times and yet we talk more than i do with most of my other friends! turns out we're both ESFJs... no wonder we get along so well! i tells ya, we're meant to be... haha.
oh! do me a favour! if you've got a spare 3 minutes, check out this site: www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm and
then check out this other site, www.personalitypage.com/high-level.html, to see what they say about your personality type... it's surprisingly accurate! leave me a comment below saying which type you are! (like i said earlier, i'm ESFJ)
anyway, am either going to sleep or watch another movie...
posted @ 1:59:00 a.m.
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Friday, September 26, 2003
the kitchen floor is so clean! but don't ask me why i felt the compulsion to scrub the floors and paint my room at eleven o'clock last night... but at least it's all done! now to clean up the rest of the room... {sob}
super thursday with jenne again was great! looking forward to next week's call!
mmmm... just made myself a tomato and onion omelette... hooray for scrounging around the fridge! going to take a nap soon before i meet up with marco. we're having dinner together (oooh!) and then are going to ccf. afterwards, probably going to see underworld with jess tonight... hopefully keith and marco will be able to come? (i mean, c'mon keith! you cancel our plans for this weekend b/c you've got too much work but you still have time for poker parties?! :p )
HAVE SO MUCH WORK TO DO!!!! for next week: biol 200 seminar, biol 205 quiz, possible biol 200 quiz, psyc midterm... plus prep for my other upcoming midterms...
hey, anyone wanna go to a david usher concert? he's coming to the cocamo on the wednesday the 8th and the tix are $10! let me know b/c i'm thinking of going... anyway, gonna go now... toodle-loo!
oh, and just because i'm on a retro kick right now, what would you guys say were the best songs from the 80's? leave your responses below.
and yeah... on to sleep!
posted @ 1:46:00 p.m.
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Wednesday, September 24, 2003
two calculators for my mathematical pleasure... I AM CALCULATRON!
awww... poor danny... what a sweetie... don't worry about those tea pots!
posted @ 1:51:00 a.m.
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you know what? life is good. can't really complain, because God has blessed me with so many things. like YOU, dear reader/friend of mine!
posted @ 12:22:00 a.m.
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Tuesday, September 23, 2003
"i don't like food anymore!" - strong sad (haha, that whiny voice made me laugh SO hard!)
> jess is such a sweetie! had a gloriously long, almost two hour chat with her... thanks for listening, hun! i hope all goes well with you... we must talk again soon!
> you know where i live too, suz! howz about we do something this weekend? book off a block of time for me!
> where do i draw the line? i don't want to get hurt again.
> talked with mommy today.... <3
> actually did pretty much all of my stats readings... looked over my biol 200... don't want a quiz tommorrow!
> how sincere were you?
> coach z's messages on marzipan's answering machine (version 5.0)
> what do You think i should do with my life?
> now i'm no paragon of parsing, but honestly... c'mon people, let's work on our grammar (and spelling while you're at it)!!
posted @ 11:26:00 p.m.
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Monday, September 22, 2003
random thoughts:
> man, when i DO cook, it tastes so yummy... mmmmmmeat....
> need to find passion in my life... a calling...
> must talk with jess this week to catch up. i know you're really busy with school, so what days are you free to chat for a little bit? (don't worry, not too long, but long enough to update)
> it'll be like a circus... but less fun... and without clowns. hmmm, maybe more like a zoo then.
> jon moved into that condo that overlooks (aka blocks) the skydome!
> i lack focus. discipline. drive.
> man, he's cute.
> raining outside. forgot umbrella again. still no car-driving bf to drive me home. tiffany wet.
> feel better soon brandon! <3
> wanna visit people... and go home.
> i wuv my mommy and daddy!
> friendships should take work and effort... must email many people.
> excited about upcoming cell groups.
> i'm self-centered.
> new strong bad email.
> honestly, who cares about pareto diagrams and summation notations anyway?
> i miss you.
posted @ 10:52:00 p.m.
WHAT THE HECK?!?!?! ok, you have to check out the cartoon "i love you"... it's so bizarre! i mean, the others ones i've seen like "bear in the bubble" and "hot cocoa rapids" were odd enough but kinda funny - but this one is... just watch it! it doesn't even have a plot like the other ones!
ok, just saw the "dead man talking" cartoon... disturbing imagery...
posted @ 2:29:00 p.m.
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Sunday, September 21, 2003
my roommate's a dork.
but i <3 her anyway!
so yeah... living downtown and so close to so many shops is really hazardous to my wallet... went grocery shopping after church, then when i got back, dropped by staples with grace to look for transparencies. saw "50% off lowest price on backpacks!" and had to pick up a pink $8 backpack b/c it pretty... (i'm such a girl). then since we were so close by, we dropped by this store, next exit, which was having an summer inventory clearance... picked up a dex tank for $10 and a flosport skirt for $20 (a splurge for me) as well... couldn't help it... was just calling my name... am now much poorer than i started off this morning... but i had fun, anyway!
off to do readings now. until next time!
posted @ 4:15:00 p.m.
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Saturday, September 20, 2003
woke up this morning with a refreshed soul.
note to self: focus on the Lord to gain perspective - His perspective.
"... and the things of this world will go strangely dim..."
beautiful day out. one love today.
posted @ 12:27:00 p.m.
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Friday, September 19, 2003
so the weather's alright now... when i left for ccf, it was SO rainy and gusty! i'm so glad kingston only got the tail-end of the hurricane... i trust that you guys are all safe and sound?
fellowship was really good tonight... praise and prayer. i've always shied away from praying in public (i'm an awkward public speaker although you wouldn't think it since i never shut up... heh heh!), so i think these programs are good for me to: a) get over those fears of my non-eloquence, and b) get to know people better. i met some really nice people today from the prayer buddy times - janice, keith, and amanda - so i'm really excited about starting our cell groups next week... i wonder who'll be in my group?
came home just now and am going to go out with gracie shortly. we were supposed to go clubbing or see a movie or something with victoria, nick and xin, but grace just told me that when she called to find out what was going on, that nick and vic had already left... a little annoyed, but whatever, s'ok... grace and i'll have fun anyway!
"... For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD , "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD , "and will bring you back from captivity..."
~ jeremiah 29:11-14
posted @ 11:10:00 p.m.
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> got home in three minutes flat... dude, i take back everything i said about kingston transit! it's the greatest! no more walking for me! the use of legs are for suckers!
> am SO tired... today i slept through class for the second time so far this year... it was stats again... ugh. honestly, i have to go to sleep earlier... too many 8:30's... was going to go to bed early last night (around midnight), but just as i was about to turn in, danny actually gave me a call! i mean, how could i turn down that "chinese christian waterloo eng boyfriend of mine" down? ;) daddy would be pleased.... haha. but yeah, we had a good conversation about various things... i think we talked for a little over an hour? he's a good guy, that danny. (not to be confused with ping, the other danny, although he's really nice too!) i kinda find it funny though, that i've been talking more to him than some other people i know, and i've only really met him 3 times! i guess that's why it was meant to be.... ahahaha!
> honestly, i do not regret living with grace at all these past two years... we have SO much fun together! i mean, we can be serious, studious, and completely stupid together! i think that's the test of a true friendship... i'm so glad that gracie is light-hearted and enjoys the frivolous things in life. haha, those are the best parts, when we can't stop laughing about the dumbest things ever... "psst. keith wears male thongs... AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" i suspect that our neighbours think that we're two loud, giddy, idiotic lesbians... "I'M RUNNING OUT OF UNDERWEAR!!!" "what the heck? our neighbours are weird!"
> sleepy...... well, at least it's the weekend now! am going to take a nap so that i can go out tonight without being completely exhausted. due to the hurricane/storm coming through, we might end up going to riocan and watching underworld instead of hitting up stages. sorry grace, this means still no clubbing for you yet!
posted @ 12:18:00 p.m.
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Thursday, September 18, 2003
> love talking with jenne... next week, same bat-time, same bat-channel!
> totally diggin' lebanese blonde right now.
> have realised the setback with this new "cheap" HOT phone card: service charges...so now, all i have to do is talk for hours on end each time i'm on the phone, and then it'll be worth it! so yeah, no more "short" 30-50 minute phone conversations. felt like talking with people some more, so tried calling simon, but apparently he went back to t.o.... boo! oh hey, so i'm apparently known over there in his house! when i saw my name was tiffany, the girl said "from queen's?" i see my reputation precedes me! ;) oh wait, maybe that's not a good thing? :s
> put up the msn name "have phone card. feel like talking, any takers?" to see if certain people (or someone) would bite, and danny and ming ended up messaging me. tried calling danny, but the phone card's lines were busy, so i ended up giving up and just chatting with him online. oh look, he just logged on again right now.
> i feel tired and a little headache-y. no idea why.
> ok, so i'm ready to talk now... how do i let you know?
>tommorrow's agenda: 1) get classes over with. 2) rejoice in the fact that it's the weekend. perhaps dance a celebratory jog. 3) get a hold of suze and see what she's doing this weekend. 4) go to fellowship. inquire about qcf as well. 5) go clubbing with vic and co. afterwards. make sure nobody roofies grace... hahaha.
posted @ 11:12:00 p.m.
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$15 for filling out 45 minutes worth of questionnaires.... hey, i'm happy!
tonight is a jenne and tiffany super thursday! yay!
as per usual, phar 100 was interesting (thank God), which almost makes up for the fact that it was an 8:30 this morning... i find it so hard to wake up early these days... the snooze button is my friend... ;p the rest of school was meh today. looking forward to friday and the weekend... finally! oh, had the best chem lab ever today. (the only one so far, actually... where all i had to do was listen to a short spiel about safety for 15 minutes.) since i got out early, to kill some time before the psych study (on roommates), i went to visit keith for a few hours... 'twas good hanging out with him, even if he is a big baby when he's sick... NO, i will NOT do your laundry for you!!! ahahaha.
oooh, must remember to "book" a phone date with jess sometime soon.
nothing else to write about right now... so until next time... this is tiffany shui, good night.
posted @ 7:24:00 p.m.
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wait a second... so which is the truth?
oh, my head hurts. a combination of lack of sleep and early rising, labs and looming midterms, minor issues of the heart, too much to do coupled with too little productivity, and trying to read my incredibly dry stats 263 book... overwhelmed...
i feel claustrophobic.
and a little bored. and a little lonely - grace is with hasib tonight, so it's just me and my thoughts. somebody give me a call here!!!! had a nice little (illuminating) chat on the phone with brandon today, so it's whetted my appetite for non-computer interaction. there's one person that i really want to talk with, but i know i won't. so... i'll settle for YOU! mwahahaha!!! but seriously, drop me a line. i think i've gotten a little too maniacally introspective for my own good. "balmy", you could also say... i also want to know what's going on in your lives! hey marco, i think you should drop by RIGHT NOW - just yell at my window from across the street! ;)
i will not relapse. i will not regress. i will not regret. (my three non-recycling R's.... not nearly as amusing as the sympathetic nervous system's four F's... "flight, fight, food, and sex.")
posted @ 12:05:00 a.m.
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Wednesday, September 17, 2003
i am so fed up with all this ridiculousness... honestly, people, get your own lives. too many "tea pots" (thanks danny! hahaha!) that people are unnecessarily causing themselves... LET IT GO... it doesn't involve you. it shouldn't involve you. hey, if i can do it (out of all people), you can too!
meanwhile in k-town...
goodness, biol 200 labs suck! who cares about algae anyway? or fruit flies for that matter? blah blah blah.... genetics... blah blah blah...
and.... check, no tea pot! (for you danny, for you...) ;)
posted @ 6:21:00 p.m.
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Ryan Malcolm takes the crown as Canadian Idol so this is why all those horns kept honking tonight in the downtown area... celebrate as much as you want, just don't disturb me when i'm trying to sleep or else! haha, can just see the highway signs now... "kingston, ontario... home of canadian idol's ryan malcolm." never saw any episodes, what kind of singer was he?
posted @ 12:39:00 a.m.
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Tuesday, September 16, 2003 China 'Open-Crotch Pants' Face Extinction... a "Chinese tradition", eh? how come i've never heard of it? man, you've gotta love the "oddly enough" section in yahoo news...
new hello kitty psychological test: "what is your mom like? how well do you understand her?"
results: "companion way - the easiest way to make your mom happy is to praise her. she will agree with your entire request if you do so. however she will cool down once you stop praising her." ummm... that's SO not my mom... did the test a second time, and this time it nailed my mom right on the dot: hardworking, but not very technologically advanced... haha!
posted @ 5:12:00 p.m.
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Monday, September 15, 2003
I'LL HAVE TO DETERMINE THE PHENOTYPE OF ONE THOUSAND FREAKING FLIES?!?!?!?!? ARGH!!!!
oh well, at least my fears of having mean lab partners have been laid to rest. they're all pretty nice, so i'm happy. hooray for making friends! (i hope.)
got back from lab early tonight... it was pouring torrentially - am now sopping wet... at times like these, i wish i had brought my umbrella with me today... or had a boyfriend with a car ;)
ok, time to have a little bite to eat before i commence the reading/studying for the evening... sigh.
p.s. HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY ALLISON!!!!!!
posted @ 9:22:00 p.m.
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aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!
drosophila lab in one hour and seventeen minutes!!!!!
posted @ 5:21:00 p.m.
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...
i'm getting teary, but i don't feel sad... thank you.
it's funny how i still care. :p
two side notes:
1. ju!!!! how are you doing? good to hear from you again!
2. new teen girl squad!!!!! i love you, brett bretterson!
posted @ 2:17:00 p.m.
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Sunday, September 14, 2003
decided not to go to the pancake breakfast and allowed myself to get some more glorious sleep before going to church. good sermon today... had a mini-revelation into my own life: amazingly, i still care! (and no, it's not what you're thinking.)
updated my playlist to the left... it's really random.
anyway, just wanted to tell you guys that i have finished updating my photo album (password: quitesleepy@yahoo.ca), so i welcome you all to check it out. i posted up the rest of the softball pics that i wanted up (took out some of the less flattering pics of me - but don't worry, kept the pics of me doing "chubby bunny" with chinese desserts!) oh, if any of you have some pics (random funnyness, mci, queens, cia, 8x10 glossies of your beautiful face from your modelling career, anything!), just send them my way - i'd love to have see 'em!
posted @ 1:57:00 p.m.
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so had bio field trip today... not bad... except for the ankle part (i swear, it's all sudden impact and their inflatable obstacle course's fault... and i didn't even get one of the free cds and t-shirts!)... plus i really dislike having to get up at 7-something on a saturday! it's not like i even get to sleep in on sunday either b/c i think i'm going to the kingston brewing company's pancake breakfast before church tommorrow. yum...
chatted a bit with friends on the comp. actually talked with jenne on the phone about school, fellowship, and etc... man, i LOVE aunt irene! (jenne, you have a black, black heart... ahahaha!) some other things were discussed as well...
went out to dinner with gracie to the copper penny... had chicken fajita salad and a basket of their seasoned fries... ok, ok, they don't really taste like shrimp chips after all, but they're still very yummy!
afterwards, met up with jeanie at timmy's. couldn't decide where to go, so we just ended up going to our place since she hadn't seen it yet. had a great time talking, joking around, and discussing soap opera-like events. 'twas a great girls' night out/in that didn't cost much $$$ - now that's what i like! jeanie just left a little while ago... so i'm tired and off to bed now!
posted @ 1:23:00 a.m.
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Saturday, September 13, 2003
what the heck is going on? how more complicated can that thing get? sheesh! leave me out of it, please!
oh, check out my photos page... there have been some newly added non-queens pics... some softball banquet, kbbq, and games pics... you can see me all hooched up for the banquet! ;) just type in quitesleepy@yahoo.ca
have not finished adding all the pics that i want to post up, so drop by again in a few days.
posted @ 7:26:00 p.m.
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guess who rolled their ankle again early this morning at the start of their bio field trip?
posted @ 4:23:00 p.m.
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GOODNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that's all i have to say... am going to bed now.
posted @ 1:22:00 a.m.
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haha, i knew the playlist suggestions would draw rolo out from hiding!
kccf was pretty good. the drama was hilarious and the worship amazing. i see this God working through this fellowship to do great things - if even just within the hearts of its members. so yeah, really excited. met this really nice girl, priscilla, who turned out to be the don on keith's floor in vic. she's is, like, the nicest girl ever... very encouraging... a woman after God's own heart. it truly is amazing how welcoming some of these people can be... they have the ability to make you feel at home and make you feel like they care about you... and the amazing thing is that they really do!
after fellowship, swung by pravin & co. party... had a pretty good time. when i got there, the food was mostly eaten and some people were pretty tipsy. but since it was a pretty intimate party (i knew pretty much everyone there), it was really laidback, and most people were of sober mind. haha, was pretty funny watching the guys and their displays of testosterone... chin-ups... sparring in the hallways... and then outside where passerbys looked at us oddly... sigh. alanna and i have determined that boys are very silly. and have strange ways of amusing themselves...
but yeah, was a good night. oooh! marco and keith walked me home! thank you!!!!! anyway, have a stupid 8:30 bio field trip tommorrow, so gonna go to sleep now... talk to you guys later! sweet dreams!
posted @ 1:12:00 a.m.
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Friday, September 12, 2003
added playlist section.
leave a comment below if you can think of any songs that you recommend.
posted @ 2:44:00 p.m.
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"... whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -
if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -
think about such things." ~ philippians 4:8
and so i'll fix my thoughts upon You.
posted @ 2:04:00 p.m.
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ed, is that you? because i don't think i know anybody else who calls me "rittle tiff"... unless it's ketan trying out his asian accents... oh, now i'm all confused... who are you?
and don't worry, i'm only like that occasionally! not so much sad, but more confused. but i've pushed that stuff out of my head for the time being.... so... s'all good!
posted @ 1:52:00 a.m.
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had a great night tonight! celebrated the moon festival by ordering chinese from the silver wok (finally, a decent chinese place in kingston!) at nick and rob's. everybody was there (chinese AND non-chinese! oooh!) and the food was great, the company was even better. good times. and then we went by the lakeside to eat moon cake (no egg yolk! booo!) and light the paper lanterns that vic had brought... and of course, because there were guys there, the night soon devolved into one of rock throwing, burning things, and threatening to throw people into dirty, dirty lake ontario. actually, it was pretty cool. it was such a nice night out. i got to hang out with keith by the lakeshore and just talk for a bit, throwing rocks and watching the moon's reflection off the waves... it was so tranquil. beauty can be found in so many places in the world - i think i found a little of it tonight...
so yeah, funny things happened... while we were at the lake, there were two types of groups there: 1) the stupidly drunk froshies who haven't learned how gross the water is yet (or are too gone to care), and 2) those who choose to partake of drugs by the lakeshore. of course we encountered both! "i had so fucking much to drink tonight! i had 12 shots of tequila... whoa, how come i can't stand straight?" said the extremely drunk froshie girl from stuart. and my personal favourite, that girl who came looking for some paper... rolling paper, that is. and she couldn't believe that all we were doing by the lake was burning actual pieces of paper - restaurant menus, to be exact - because we're big pyros, and playing with lighters and big pink paper lanterns. "you've got to be shitting me!" she said, "no, i don't believe you guys... you've got to be smoking something!" and that happened a second time by this other guy who at first couldn't believe that none of us were smoking anything (he saw us playing with the lighters), not even cigarettes. ahahaha! only good clean fun for us! (which includes throwing rocks at "skinny dipping" frosh... eh guys?)
but yeah, was a fun night... but so tired... didn't get home until one and mind you, i've been sleeping late this past week and i've had an 8:30 every single day (except for monday), and i have one tommorrow too! well, at least most of the others have that class too... we'll keep each other awake... it's psych (neurology), stats, and pharmacology tommorrow and then i'm done for the week... finally! it's been a long week and i haven't even had all my labs! anyway, just wanted to post before i forgot what i did today... short term memory... must be all that pot... hahaha.
posted @ 1:45:00 a.m.
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Thursday, September 11, 2003
forgot to add this earlier:
<3 to jess.
<3 to erin.
<3 to all others who need it.
thank God for grace. and Grace.
and what happened to rolo? why no more notes? :*(
brandon, i'm proud of you. hope the burden's not too heavy.
posted @ 6:48:00 p.m.
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NOTE : this was the first blog that i ever actually debated whether or not i should post it. i don't know why. certain people probably won't like what it says or think that i shouldn't have posted it for everybody else to see... not that i've written anything bad about anyone here, it's just really personal. unformed thoughts written out. but fuck it, i've always prided myself on being honest on this thing. now that i've written it out, i feel better. just so you know, i only really write in this thing when i'm agitated or want to keep a record of the things i did in my day... so don't take it as a full representation of how i normally feel/am like just because all my posts seem to be angst-y. wait... what was that psych term for that again? oh well, i'll just use a stats term: sampling error! haha! oooh, on a different note, am going to a dinner party (or lakeside picnic?) in half-an-hour! yay! looking forward to it. potluck dinner tommorrow night too.
time has passed. i'm of more sane and so-called rested mind. i examined how i felt and realised that i'm no more coherant than i was the night before. the conversation box has still stayed open, unanswered, where i left it last.
conflicting thoughts. an impasse in my mind.
i promised we'd always be friends and i always mean what i say. i don't wish you any ill will, and yet, i don't want anything to do with you. not right now. i mean that too. not just you, but everything. i'm sick to death with it. moving on is hard when it's always staring at you in the face. i want to be left alone. but i don't want to shut you completely out of my life, either. i want to be the happy person that i normally am when i don't have to deal with this junk. i wish things were like they were before way, but too much has passed for things to be that way anymore. i've forgiven, but not forgotten. i want you to be happy, i'm glad that you were, and i'm still praying that you'll find what you're looking for in God again. my heart has recovered, but my confidence has been shaken. and my own pride and respect for myself... we're still friends, but that seed of distrust has been planted. i don't even know if i can trust other people's words so easily as well. i want to be a good christian, a good friend, but i'm afraid that i'm failing at both... i'm sorry. i know that you don't understand me... my thoughts conflict, i feel stupid... so where does that leave us?
i know i'm not making things easy for you. i know you probably don't know if you should respond. or how to respond. i don't know myself. i know that this is just a big cop-out for me since i haven't replied. somehow i need piece of mind... just lie to me.
posted @ 6:40:00 p.m.
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i live across the street from a detox centre.
...
ummm...
don't tell my parents.
posted @ 12:54:00 a.m.
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Wednesday, September 10, 2003
just got home awhile ago from ccf. am very tired. got some messages but will respond when i'm less tired and able to be less incoherant... so instead i will incoherantly ramble to you guys! yay!
goodness! my ramblings are crazy! you're not supposed to take them seriously! and how could what i wrote make things awkward? it's funny, i write so much and in so much detail, but i'm also so vague at the same time. perhaps that's what caused the confusion? anyway, just so you know, i'm OK! happy, even! i let go of all that stuff a month ago. sure, it may sound like i might not be right now, but it's only come up at this time because everybody keeps talking to me about it now all of a sudden. besides those moments, i'm perfectly fine. and if you really knew me, you'd just know that this is how i "talk" - i'm overly dramatic, very expressive, and very moody (not in the bitchy sense - though that could be the case - but in the literal way). i mean, hello! i'm a girl! this is how we are! heh heh.
one large part (or perhaps the sole reason?) for me being "ok" is because i grew more in Him this summer... which is why i'm so excited about kccf this year! went to the first meeting... felt like a froshie again, just because i didn't really know that many people. it was funny though, it's such a small world... we all have mutual friends and stuff... and such coincidences! so that's the steph jon wanted me to meet! she's the one from softball and is jess' cousin! so yeah, that was pretty cool. have big hopes... like accountability people... help me stay disciplined... and just plain meeting people.
speaking of people... i'm in love! haha, ok, not really... i don't even know the guy, really. but goodness... there's something about him... maybe it's because he's passionate about God and even plays the guitar! ;) actually, there are quite a few of those guys around... (and yes, tiffany is very superficial and fickle.) haha, i can just see jess and other people leaving me a message about this... just so you know, i'm joking around! (well, i'm actually serious, but in a not serious sort of manner... you know? ok, i'm not very good at this explaining thing...)
Oh heart of mine, come back home
You've been too long out on your own
And He's been there all along
Watching for you down the road
He is the answer
You are looking for
So come home running
Just as you are
posted @ 11:52:00 p.m.
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WHAT THE HECK!?!?! WHO'S GOING TO BUY TEXTBOOKS FROM ME AT THIS TIME NOW??? ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!
who'd willingly buy $800 worth of brand new textbooks just because buying them separately for cheaper is too much trouble? ARGH!!! this is SO frustrating!
posted @ 12:20:00 a.m.
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Tuesday, September 09, 2003
goodness, it appears that i've landed smack-dab in the middle of a soap opera! well, rather, i'm in the middle of one that i didn't even know existed until ten minutes ago! oh well. it would have a lot more impact on my life if i actually cared. though i must admit, the already interesting plot has thickened... i hope it all works out for everybody - he/she/it's just not worth it!
also, it appears that everybody knows or will know soon... i'm not too happy about that, because it was my own private business and now everybody's going to know about my "shameful lapse in judgement". i wonder what they all think now? i didn't even realise so many people were involved! oh well, as we've all learned, secrets cause more damage anyway.
it's funny though, i'm now embracing the very distance that i was once dreading.
meanwhile, back in k-town...
I'M SO TIRED!!!! i didn't get to nap earlier b/c i had to do some chem homework before the lecture and then i bought some heavy books... but now it's pretty nice... it's so nice and tranquil in the apartment (and downtown) right now, the breeze is nice, the sun is warm, and it's just me alone with my thoughts, computer and that gorgeous lifehouse song.
posted @ 5:29:00 p.m.
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ugh. waking up for classes is exhausting... am going to take a quick nap before orgo at 1:30pm... had stats and pharmacology today. my stats prof is hilarious! i think i'm going to like going to his lectures (just not the work part...) but is anyone in the fall stats 263A slot? i don't think i know anyone in my class because everybody else has the winter section... booo! okie, nappy time! later!
posted @ 11:40:00 a.m.
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the thing about the internet is that once you're online, you're faced with so many unwelcome things, thoughts, and people... though i missed being online and chatting with people (especially erin, brandon, nat, jess, and mei), being internetless last week was a brief respite from drama... i'm still remaining largely unaffected because of the distance, but it still comes creeping insidiously in. or maybe i'm being pulled in by the (strangely) many people involved and from all my explanations. i'm happy and i've been happy for the past month or so, but that doesn't mean that i've been strong (though it's not my strength that's been keeping me going) enough to pass through everything unscathed. many conflicting and contradictory thoughts... yes, my pride overruled all other feelings, but that doesn't mean that i still didn't hurt. just because i'm ok with certain things now doesn't necessarily mean that i'm overjoyed with the situation. the worse parts are the pangs... you know what i mean, don't you erin? whenever i'm on the track of being content emotionally and spiritually, somehow my emotions will always come and betray me. i am empty, earthly and weak, Lord, i can't do this on my own... help me. restore me. fill me. let it be You that i yearn for most in life...
posted @ 12:59:00 a.m.
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Monday, September 08, 2003
wooohooo! nat left a message!
got back from the THREE HOUR BIO NIGHT LAB (6:30-9:30pm) an hour ago... sheesh! last year the bio lab only took 20 minutes of the three hour lab slot... but i now i actually have to stay for the full 180 minutes! oh well... who knows, i might join johnny at the 2:30 lab slot instead. kinda touched by the concern for my welfare by a few people about me walking back home alone at night. keith, don't worry! i'll be safe!
so had my first classes today... was ok. man, am not sure how i'm going to stay awake in some of those classes though... i'm SO going to space out... but i'm going to try to work hard this year. anyway, i'll let you guys know as things progress!
posted @ 11:05:00 p.m.
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praise and power was amazing.
and how can i
stand here with you
and not be moved by You?
would you tell me
how it could be
any better than this?
posted @ 1:03:00 a.m.
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Sunday, September 07, 2003
OMG. i just remembered something else to rant about: TEXTBOOKS!!!!!!
total required textbook cost (campus bookstore prices, new): $1024.93!!!!
what the heck?!?!?!
let's hope i can buy everything used... and that some of those books are ones that i don't actually need... sigh.
posted @ 2:01:00 p.m.
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haven't blogged in ages b/c of my limited internet access... ok, here's what i've been up to:
SHOPPING, SHOPPING, SHOPPING.
groceries, painting supplies, general household items, more groceries, "pretty stuff", school supplies... it's so good and bad living right in the heart of downtown kingston!
so, i've decided that i like my apartment... it's pretty nice (and much cleaner than some of those other ghetto houses out there...) even though the walls are just a little wonky... i swear, every time i look at that lamp, tv and dresser in the living room... shhh! i mean, it's all perfectly 90 degrees and completely level! and we can't forget about all those "colourful locals" that hang out across the street by the 'street health centre' at 2am.... nah, but our place is pretty nice, the rooms are huge, and we live so close to indigo!!! wooohoooo!
ok, so brief run-down (though my memory's a little hazy):
monday - get to kingston with megan and jen, hang with grace at the apartment catching up and trying to open paint cans, shopped, visited ketan and then went over to keith's at vic hall (saw marco and hasib too)
tuesday - cleaned the stove and fridge, shopped, crashed the frosh's casino night with the gang, symposium for drinks (mmmm... cherry-raspberry swirls...)
wednesday - brunch with the vic's cousin and co., cleaned some more, shopped, helped rob paint his room
thursday - shopped, cleaned, textbook searching, saw the italian job with people... very enjoyable movie... love seth green! mini coopers! ed norton + moustache = gross and greasy-looking!, A&P groceries at 11:50 pm
friday - sidewalk sale (no couches!!! booo!), shopping, cleaning, bumming around, getting drunk without alcohol with grace, megalo's 2-for-1 coupon dinner (yum), getting drunk with grace with alcohol at the kingston brewing co. while jess and vic watch us amusedly... mmmm... raspberry beer...
saturday - so-called garage sale, shopped, groceries, girly magazines, dinner with the gang at dong nai, people coming over, cards (big two), vic's freezie/sugar high, putting make-up on keith, indecent propositions involving keith, grace and i... ;)
sunday - LAST DAY OF SUMMER! church, praise and power, last minute scrambling around, INTERNET UP!!!!!
let me just say that it's SO GOOD seeing everybody again! especially keith b/c i haven't seen him for the entire summer... you better count on me crashing in your room this year! and marco, don't forget to visit us every once in a while, it'll be weird not wandering into your room randomly this year!
all in all, having a blast back in kingston... life is good. (but maybe i should wait until classes start before i say anything else...)
posted @ 1:55:00 p.m.
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Monday, September 01, 2003
frankly, i'm shocked. i thought it was somebody else. that is not something that pleases me. neither is that thing i just read.
my life has been taken over!!!! ahhhhh!!!!!!! sigh. i don't think my flair for the dramatic will ever die. but seriously...
heading off to kingston in 25 minutes...
won't have phone and computer up and running from my place right away (i'll have to go to friends' places if i want to do either), so it'll be a while before i write anything else here. everybody take care and have a great year. love you all lots and lots!
posted @ 8:42:00 a.m.
