name : tiffany
faith : christian.
nationality : cbc.
status : <3
living in : toronto.
school / major : UT / pharmacy
.: my stats, as of 11/05/06 :.
mood : tired.
likes : my friends. bunnies fronting as pillows. keeners.
dislikes : exams. lack of sleep. keeners.
wishlist : "connections".
current distractions : dexter, top model, heroes.
wondering : hmmm, is it too late for me re-learn study habits?
Sunday, August 31, 2003
today:
> church - great sermon today on the struggle in romans 7:14-25 "... i do not understand what i do. for what i want to do i do not do, but what i hate i do..."; also said goodbye to everybody
> lunch and ikea with my other family (the chans)
> dinner in scarberia (mongolian bbq...mmmm!) with my extended family
> last minute packing and calling people
> God is good. and He has a plan.
tommorrow: back to the grind...
posted @ 4:53:00 p.m.
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read the last three posts first in order to get what i'm talking about (though i still am delightfully vague... mwahahahaa!):
so my first reaction last night was to be: a) hurt, and b) angry at him. but then i realised i couldn't be either, because it's not my heart that hurts. heh. kinda funny if you think about it... me, an extremely overemotional girl, found something even stronger than my already strong affections: pride. i never knew i was so proud, superficial, and surprisingly earthly (who knew i was like that? i sure as hell didn't!), but there we go! haha. but yeah, woke up this morning after a good night's sleep and my mind went to last night's conversation... immediately my face had a bemused and/or sheepish grin on it, because i realised that i'm so totally full o-- well, you get the point.
i can't be mad at him for that stuff (though other stuff, probably yes), because first off, i felt the same way earlier on as well (remember what i said at my house the day after the eaton centre/ago thing?), but ignored it and got too preoccupied with other things, so if we had spent more time together, it would have come back anyway. now that i think about it, i was right in the beginning - we're just too different in that respect - it wouldn't have worked. i don't think i would have grown at all, especially spiritually (most importantly). see, this is what happens when you abandon reason and ignore your gut feelings... sigh. on the plus side, atleast i don't feel so bad for thinking this now (as opposed to before... i felt like i was a bad person for thinking those niggling thoughts). and secondly, i've been in his shoes before with somebody else... which is why i can see how it's not a direct hit against me. if anything, it's me hitting myself for assuming that everybody's in love with me (at the same time, how could i not assume that?) ;) i think it just hurts because i'm used to being the in position where i had the "power" to break hearts and someone crossed paths with me unscathed. i want scorch marks, dammit!
must pull out my psych textbook... was this a case of transference or projection?
and so, hopefully, all things will be right with the world again... we'll be friends again, tentatively? as long as i can get over myself, and he can get over himself (honestly, boy, you are not the end all and be all!) and his other issues. hopefully. because i just miss the banter that we had before, the good and fun conversations (all of that emotional crap gets on your nerves if it's there constantly, sometimes you need just need a good laugh). so here's to a summer that's been full of growing and learning... even though i am where i was before (and prolly a little worse off, mind you), i can't say things were a total waste, nor can i say that i wish it all had never happened (though i wish things had come about in a different manner) because God taught me so much from it. it's been a painfully long lesson, but thank You!
anyway, so waiting now to see if he'll try to salvage the friendship by trying to talk. i tried to do it before, but i refuse to be the initiator anymore. hey, if our friendship is important and worthwhile, it'll all work out, so i'm not worried.
posted @ 10:27:00 a.m.
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fucking bastard. way to screw up the beginning of what seemed to be a promising new year. correction: it wasn't as much as the heart, but the pride. ok, i'm not really that angry. but i'm not happy. and... i don't really know how i feel/think at this moment.
posted @ 1:43:00 a.m.
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huh.
i was right.
posted @ 1:04:00 a.m.
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i have a sharp, sudden stabbing feeling that my heart is going to get trampled on...
posted @ 1:02:00 a.m.
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i <3 natalie wei.
posted @ 12:26:00 a.m.
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Saturday, August 30, 2003
just got back from dinner and kingston... moved in the rest of my stuff and painted one wall of my room purple... it's going to be the "accent" wall in the room... ii've decided on the theme of my room: purple, white and green... ok, it's not as awful as it sounds! the green and white are coming from the inspiration of that gorgeous pottery barn water lily candle holder that i bought. too bad i don't have time to go to the ex to buy those pillow cases that i want... the light purple, pink and green $5 ones would have been poi-fect! :(
ack! moving to kingston "permanently" on monday morning!!!!
so, yesterday was busy madly packing and working on simon's present... finished both, quite succesfully if i do say so myself! actually, i'm quite proud of simon's poster... you better appreciate it! i was up really late working on it! (hrm, send me digi pics of it, if you can). for those of you who haven't heard of the present, i'm getting a roommate of his to hang it up on his door before simon comes (so other people can get a good impression of who simon really is... mwahahaha!) at the top of the poster, i took a screencap of the wayne's world T2 spoof (where the bad guy holds up the photo of john connor and asks "have you seen this boy?") except i replaced the polaroid with a picture of simon's head instead, with the words "do you know this boy?" beside it. then i wrote "people of macmaster, beware! this dangerous criminal mastermind, known to many as the "kingston kisser", may be coming to a university campus near you..." i wrote some more stuff and added a whole buncha other funny pictures of simon, including the pics of simon "kissing" karolina and victoria (remember those?)... i don't know, i found it funny!
posted @ 11:56:00 p.m.
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Friday, August 29, 2003
FINALLY! PROOF THAT I'M NOT CRAZY!!!!!
Saved by the Bell Dolls (oh! read the bios on the back of the boxes!)
years ago, i saw a commercial for saved by the bell dolls that came with autograph stamps... i only saw it once, and nobody else i knew had seen it, so they all assumed i was crazy/making things up... BUT I HAVE PROVED THEM WRONG!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted @ 12:31:00 a.m.
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had a big family dinner at this restaurant in markham... "uncle joe's", i think. oh man, i ate really well... garlic bread, caesar salad, soup, leg of lamb, 10 oz. new york steak (medium rare, of course), spaghetti (both tomato AND alfredo sauces), and chicken wings... and, bonus, my family is absolutely hilarious! kirbs fell asleep with his mouth wide open, so my brother, adrienne, and my aunt (his MOM!) started putting sugar and root beer in his mouth! every once in a while, he'd stir and smack/lick his lips... ahahahaha! (so third grade, but i loved it anyway!)
have still so much packing to do... actually, all of it... plus, i gotta buy some more apartment stuff tommorrow... and start/finish simon's present... ack.
exciting news: GRACE AND I HAVE A TELEPHONE NUMBER OF OUR VERY OWN!!!! (that we have to pay for... booo!) make sure you give me your numbers and addresses, ok?
see you soon, marco!
posted @ 12:01:00 a.m.
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Thursday, August 28, 2003
:(
i give up.
posted @ 1:23:00 a.m.
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a. i loved talking with you, jess!
b. actually, i miss talking to you already!
c. and you looked gorgeous tonight as well... not at all like chopped liver!
d. don't let the stupidness of certain people get you down!
e. :)
posted @ 12:53:00 a.m.
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back from the ccsa banquet... and yes, i did find something to wear! my blue fake-suede cowl neck tank (the keith handprint one ;p ) and a blue floral skirt... i'll try posting pictures of the evening up sometime (especially group pics with the trophy) if people send me their digi pics... but yeah, now my feet kill... i hate wearing heels! ow! oh and goodness, i learned that it's ok being all dressed up on the subway and even at the mall... it's just bad while waiting for the bus... standing at a busy intersection waiting for the #48... i got a lot of looks and a {shudder} wave.
so yeah, we picked up our big, shiny trophy tonight! wooohooo! and it's only minimally broken!! "don't hold it by those handles!!!! they're stealing our trophy!?!?!?! ahhhhh!!!!" honestly ian, don't have a heart attack! i had so much fun on the team this year... old friends, fresh blood, new attitude... i'm really proud of CIA this year! GO TEAM! jr. division CHAMPS!!!!!! i love you guys (even if the rest of the league doesn't!) and i hope that we stay friends for a looong time! speaking of friends, i saw jess today! yay! it was so good seeing and talking with her - we've gotta keep in touch more. well, atleast there's our blogs... haha. and someday we'll round up the old romania team again (or atleast part of it)... hey, so it seems that my future love life has been planned out by you, eh? well, he does fit the passionate, christian guitar player criteria... ;)
what's with the backblog not working? sheesh!
posted @ 12:39:00 a.m.
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Wednesday, August 27, 2003 T33n G1rl Squ4dx0rx!! - you can't be popular AND smart
- i'm in love with liquid paper
- teacher just called me "young man"
- let's have a boy/girl party!
- SO GOOD!
- on a roll with Honour Roll
- nothing is cool
(guess who said what!)
posted @ 2:01:00 p.m.
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every girl's dilemma: what to wear?
posted @ 1:32:00 p.m.
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nat just left a little while ago... it was SO GOOD spending time with that girl again! goodness, what a sweetie! she totally made my day! just when i thought the day was going to end in boring obscurity, she calls me up at 9 and asks if i want to do something (since we didn't get a chance to meet up earlier in the summer)... of course i wanted to! so she came by to pick me up and we ended up fulfilling her wish to go to woodbine for the slots! it's good to be legal! (even though we had to wear those stupid neon pink wristbands so people wouldn't think we were underage...) anyway, after trying to get change/tokens unsuccesfully many, many times, we were finally ready to gamble... it was all about the 25 cent double diamond deluxe slot machines... go cherries and those second-chance diamonds!! heh, i think i turned nat into a compulsive gambler... "$2.50 more... ok, might as well spend that other 50 cents... one more dollar..." but it's all good, we still turned out with $24 in change, eh nat? ;) after we cut ourselves off from spending more money, we decided to head back to my place to chat for a while. we just caught up on each other's lives (discussed MCIers, complained about how stupid boys are and laughed at our incredibly accident-proneness... we are such big nerds!) man, you better come a visit me in kingston this time, nat, or else i'll be very upset! anyhoo, all in all a very enjoyable night!
posted @ 2:30:00 a.m.
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Tuesday, August 26, 2003
consequences...
posted @ 3:22:00 p.m.
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q: "Curious though, what would your reaction be if it was a
passionate Christian guitar playing Chinese 'boy' that whistled
at you? Or just any guys our age?" ~ Marco
a: well marco, i would definitely be more flattered than
grossed out if it were somebody our age as opposed to a
middle-aged white guy, but i still think i'd roll my eyes and raise
my eyebrow in disbelief... i mean, c'mon! who whistles at girls
anymore? sheesh!?! how corny is that?
back to business... uh... ccsa banquet tommorrow... need to find something to wear! still need to talk to various people before i leave... arrange to meet up with many people (am i doing anything before the banquet?)... loose end tying (sigh. running away... running towards... either way we're screwed!)... oh, and i need to PACK! ack! and still buy stuff for the apartment... too many things to do...
goodness, parents getting on my nerves... why does my new attitude work towards almost everything and everybody except them? but then again, i think it's like that with everyone... no matter how mature you've become, you always revert back when you're with your parents!
frosh coming in 7 days? pshhh! who cares about them! TIFF coming in 7 days!!!!! marco, make sure you tell me what your room number is so i can come visit you right away, ok?
posted @ 11:24:00 a.m.
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Monday, August 25, 2003
had a really great day with jenne... first we had an anne of green gables: the sequel fest for four hours (so good, even though that made up morgan harris had the stupidest looking smile ever... i love gilbert!) goodness, i haven't laughed so hard during a movie like that in ages! jenne and i really are kindred spirits! and then we took a three hour walk through the park where i just filled her in on the past year of my life... it was so good spending time with her and talking and joking around... but it was really hard talking about all the relationship stuff b/c it made me revisit a lot of painful stuff. i'm over it, but every once in a while it still hurts. too many questions that i'm not going to ask until he initiates, so i probably willl never get to ask and subsequently won't get an answer. but i've realised how far i've come this month, and how great God is for testing and teaching me to trust Him. so in the end, no real regrets. i wish i could've acted differently in some situations, but this whole thing has taught me lots and brought me closer to Him. anyway, going off topic, so... 'twas a good day today... and we still have so much other stuff to talk about too (you need to fill me in, girl!) and hopefully we'll get to before i leave for kingston. i'm going to miss you, big sister, but atleast you're back for good now!
oh hey! my bruises are starting to get better! and the foot hurts minimally! yay! so maybe i won't look like i got beaten up anymore by the time the banquet rolls around and i have to expose my legs! speaking of which, the front of ian's leg is smoother than mine now! that ain't right! ahahaha! (btw jess, yes, i AM going to the ccsa banquet... so i'll see you there! yay! ack, don't know what to wear...)
creepiness factor #4: so i was walking to the bus stop this morning to go to jenne's when this guy whistled at me from his car. i'm starting to get really creeped out by all these middle-aged white guys... it's so icky! you have daughters my age or older for goodness sakes!!! and want to know something even grosser? i just remembered that before my boss made that jeans/track pants remark, i had just bent down to pick up some change off of the ground! eeew!
new stwong bahd eeemail!
posted @ 8:05:00 p.m.
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CIA: CCSA JUNIOR DIVISION CHAMPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yup yup, that's right - we won, baby! finally after two years of getting second place, we finally get the big trophy that isn't missing a hand!!! wooohooo! man, but all the games this weekend were SO close... that last game against the oracles (go reds!)... so tense (but not in a bad, competitive way) because we were pretty well-matched. it was a good thing that we were friends with the opposing team members, made it a very good game. haha, both of our jerseys were red, so it was hard to tell who belonged to which team... oh! oh! and i finally got on base and got a double!!! it brought in two much needed RBIs!!! man, i was getting pretty frustrated/disappointed with myself b/c i kept hitting straight to the short (and plus everybody kept aiming for me at second... booo!). on the plus side, atleast there weren't any line drives aimed at my head!!! (aiya, that was a scary moment from yesterday....) anyway, so after the games, we went for well-deserved kbbq (and didn't wait until 10pm this time! gasp!) and just hung around until around midnight talking and joking around. i really had fun on the team this year; it was great meeting and getting to know new people, i was so proud of our new attitude and God-focus, and we had a great season... what more could you ask for? might possibly hang out with mike and dan before the banquet on wednesday. note: remember to buy dan some girly hairclips one day... ;) i'm going to miss spending time with the CIAers when i head off to k-town.
on a side note, creepy work story #3: so i was wearing my modrobes on friday (i quit today, btw), and my boss says "tiffany! i like my asian girls to wear (tight) jeans, not track pants!" yeah... so he might not have actually said the word "tight" - i don't quite remember anymore - but that was still the general idea that i got from him... {shudder}
anyway, all in all, a very good day. tommorrow might be havin' a super monday with conifer. hopin' that i'll finally be able to get a good night's rest after these three nights of sleeplessness... i think i finally figured out the message that He was sending me (see the sunday 6:42am post)....
posted @ 12:55:00 a.m.
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Sunday, August 24, 2003
quick saturday update on a different note:
- played salvation and the warriors (very close game), won both, moving on to semi/finals
- during warm-up, injured my right foot, played through two games with injury; right side of body now thoroughly bruised
- enjoyed spending further time with team members
- sorry i couldn't be there for your demonstration, rolo
posted @ 6:56:00 a.m.
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search me, o God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
see if there is any offensive way in me
and lead me to the way everlasting.
~ psalm 139:23,24
three sleepness nights in a row, Lord, what are you trying to tell me? my mind is cloudy, the path is unclear - what am i still holding on to? what is keeping me from knowing Your will? what am i still holding back? is it...? i'm trying, Lord, but it's still so hard to let that last bit go... twist me, search me, stretch me, purify me... i've been doing so much better because of You, please continue helping me... it's been rough, but thank you for these tests of character, i hope i will not be found wanting...
help me to let go of my anxieties and fears.
posted @ 6:42:00 a.m.
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Saturday, August 23, 2003
ugh. just got home... am soooo tired because of the lack of sleep and the long hours... worked from 3 to 11:30 tonight (but couldn't leave 'til 12:15am because erin still had to stay around). when i got home my mom told me that i had to quit (something about me coming home past one that doesn't put her in a good, cheery mood)... so, there you go, a clear sign! sigh. am going to miss spending time with erin, though. but that's ok, she's going to come visit me in kingston! (hopefully NOT because of a breakdown...) but i still have to go back to buy jeans from the bluenotes warehouse sale and those pretty pillow cases.
playoffs...
scared of being forgotten...
have millions of questions...
so much to do before i leave...
posted @ 1:43:00 a.m.
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Friday, August 22, 2003
a note of welcome: HI JU!!!! glad that you could pop by!
so... still not sure if i'm going to continue at the c&a... wondering if there's a point seeing as my weekends are busy, i've got so much to do before i head back to k-town (not to be confused with dirty k-town... kitchener), AND my parents still are not appeased... ack! and i've big mother bruises all over my right leg! it's not pretty! God, please give me a clear sign here! i have to pretty much decide by 3pm today...
since i'm on the ttc for quite a spell, i've been able to catch up on my pdl and various other readings. sometimes there's so much in those books that it makes my head spin... but in a good way. honestly, i really do want to implement these things in my life... to have a heart of a servant, do everything with the best of my God-given abilities, to react to every situation with grace and love, to live... if you guys ever have the chance, i recommend that you read pdl, it has definitely changed the way i've been thinking (and has helped me through a drama-filled summer). am also reading passion and purity by elizabeth elliot, loaned to me by jenne. it's an interesting read, but i don't know if i agree with all the stuff that she says (though in the back of my mind, it does make sense...) so we'll see as things develop.
oh goodness, i'm SO TIRED. because i was tired, i tried to go to sleep right after i got back home (around 11:30pm)... of course, because i was tired, i just had to fall asleep at, like, 5:30 in the freaking morning! argh! i hate wakeful nights! i thought i had the last of them since all that other stuff ended! sheesh!
play-offs tommorrow... will i be playing? will we win? stick around to find out... ;)
posted @ 11:50:00 a.m.
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Thursday, August 21, 2003
owie owie owie. my right leg is all bruised up. yeah, so work... it's pretty good. although you probably don't believe me, but i'm having fun. it's really great working with erin - it allows for a lot of joking around and such (ow ow owwwww! heh heh...) the only thing is that my parents and this whole scheduling thing is giving me stress... sigh, they might make me quit... but yeah, we'll see... just have to "kay-toe" about me, i suppose, and see what God wants me to do. i don't know, i'd like to stick it out, just because if i do something, i like to do it to my best abilities/capabilities, but there comes a point where the grief outweighs the positive, you know? so we'll just have to see.
oooh! so brandon, the marks, kim and ash, and some other summer camp people dropped by yesterday to give me business... got to spend my break with them, which was cool. though i was a little confused with all the insinuations regarding jay and me... care to explain, jason? :p
so, bad news: don't know if i'll be free during the weekend for the playoffs... not good.
and just to end on a happier/cheerier note: hey you, you that's reading this! yeah, you! just wanted to say that i appreciate you!
posted @ 12:27:00 p.m.
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Wednesday, August 20, 2003
haha, keith is going up to kingston in less than 24 hours...
goodness, can't believe that school starts so soon... what will this new school year bring?
jess! (love you too, hon!) i'm not going to be working this saturday! i've got that day off for playoffs!
posted @ 1:50:00 p.m.
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is it really that easy for you to cut me out of your life? am i that forgettable?
forget this, i'm going to sleep!
posted @ 12:30:00 a.m.
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tear.
posted @ 12:15:00 a.m.
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Tuesday, August 19, 2003
so... back from first day. things were pretty good, it's fun to work with erin. boss hasn't been creepy to me outright, which is a plus. honestly, he does seem like a nice friendly guy... it's just that erin told me that while i was on my break, he told her that he thought i was cute... keep in mind this is a middle-aged white man... but it's all good... yeah, so things were quite pleasant today.
softball game vs. salvation at york mills at 1pm... drop by to show your support!
new strong bad email! "fuh... buh... duh... strong bad is like the son i never had.... fuh..."
see! see! rohan noticed the tara reid thing too!
all fixed now, but for the record: blaster worm = bad.
posted @ 11:19:00 p.m.
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Monday, August 18, 2003
how on earth can you get so poised, beautiful, and graceful at the age of seventeen? sheesh, all those hollywood starlets...
speaking of hollywood, have you guys seen the commercials for that ashton kutcher movie "my boss's daughter"? ok, is it just me, or does tara reid's fake tan look positively orange to you? sorry, i just had to mention it... so unnatural looking... i bet grace would agree!
posted @ 10:00:00 p.m.
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well now, haven't updated in a while.
friday - was going to meet up with brandon, kalam, and simon, but decided to go to rohan's party in the evening... was really good seeing old mci friends (kindergarten buddy!) who i hadn't seen since... commencement? something like that. anyway, so he had a bbq and erin and i had lotsa fun swinging on his hammock... man, i love those things! it was a nice night, i didn't get bitten by any bugs (bonus!), and it was really nice just sitting there talking with everybody... even though most of them were nerdy :p engineers who constantly talked about politics, engineering things, and electronics... hahaha, but it was good, i miss hearing people talking about "intelligent" things again... man, i miss spending time with those mci kids! anyway, after a while, we went in and watched the guru, which was a very enjoyable movie... loved the parody of those bollywood movies! haha. then, after the movie, we just sat around talking... listening to rohan come up with suggestions on how to improve upon bras... yeah, NOT HAPPENING! there's no way women are going to buy bulky bras with remote controlled release mechanisms! especially if they blow up! ("no no no, we'd engineer it so that there'd only be a light bruising!") common sense: boys lack it. yeah, that's almost worst than my friends' suggestion to add velcro, buttons, or ZIPPERS (!!) to the bottom of women's one-piece bathing suits in order to facilitate the, uh, washroom process. jeeze, do you guys even listen to yourselves speak?
saturday - had a game against the oracles... good game. some of our old team members were on the other team, so we all just encouraged each other and had a good, really tight game. we managed to win by one in the last inning... it was so close, we were just trailing behind for the majority of the game. but yeah, it was fun. went to red lobster with the team afterwards... man, who chose that place? i mean, the food is good, but so expensive!
sunday - good day yesterday. went to church, scarborough town centre for a bit, and then double header at beverly glen. spent a lot the afternoon getting to know dan... did you know he's from saskatchewan? anyway, he's a really nice guy, i hope a get a chance to get to know him a bit better... and perhaps introduce him to the wacky world of colour instead of the standard asian black. (i should've known he shops at club monaco... haha) :p anyway, on the softball front, beverly glen has a terrible diamond. the infield was really hard and the grounders all came by so fast and SCARY. i was getting really upset during the first game because i wasn't playing well, balls either whizzed right by me or hit me (ow.), and it was SO hot outside! blah! so yeah, the first game was really tough and we actually lost. the first time in the regular season since two years ago? but i think that it was good for us... you know, a wake-up call so we wouldn't get so cocky. it also took a lot or pressure off of us since we won't feel like we have to "protect" that undefeated streak... plus, in the play-offs, we won't have to face the paladins, the now first place team in our division (actually, i think that's the team victoria's friend donna is on!). we haven't played them yet but we heard that they were really good. so i think our team is in second place now, or something like that. oh, and the second game was just plain fun. we played against the angels, so i got to see benita, felix, gable, and the other mcpc players. another plus, mei came to watch our game! yeah, so that was a really enjoyable game, the sun came down (yay!), there was goodnatured heckling of friends, more relaxed pace, and fun devos. i think we won by a lot? afterwards, our team and some of the angels went to swiss chalet for dinner. the service was bad (our table had finished dinner by the time the other tables even got their entrees!) but the company was really good. alan ("hi alan!!!!") is one funny guy! "ganuary? what kind of name is that?" and as a capper to the night, got a ride home from brandon (pretty good driver when he's NOT rushing!)... i'm liking the not-subwaying-it-to-the-east-end thing that's been going on this weekend... hooray for blackouts! well, kinda... yeah, so got back at midnight, talked on the phone with kalam for an hour, and then went to sleep. was SO EXHAUSTED after those two games!
monday - nothing.
on a different note:
suz - psh, i'd never forget you!! miss you lots, dearie! you'll have to tell me all about your trip in september!
ok people, continue responding to that august 13th post! later!
posted @ 5:26:00 p.m.
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Friday, August 15, 2003
awww... five people <3 me and i <3 them! :)
rolo - thanks for always leaving me messages! it's been really great getting together with you this summer!
polo - no head-hitting with ultimate frisbees, thank you very much! but i am looking forward to seeing you in sept!
jess - love you lots, dearie! not sure when we can meet up... try dropping by one of our games?
liz - even if you are illiterate, i still love you! will come and visit you, erin, alyson and the cat sometime!
tina - lots of people love you - including me! you better come up and visit us in kingston! have you found a place to live during the school year? make sure you let me know the addy when you do!
and for all others who haven't responded to my august 13th post, please do so!
posted @ 12:30:00 p.m.
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whoa... the question is, what do you do when all the hydro in the province shuts down?
goodness... no tv, no computer, no stove, no fridge, no ttc (my brother had to walk from union to st. george to old mill b/c the trains weren't working and the buses were too packed!), no stores or supermarkets... only the radio, phone, and candles...
meh, it all turned out alright. actually, in a way, i'm thankful that it happened... 1) it gives a bit of perspective on how we run our lives, and 2) i got a chance to really openly talk with jon for a few hours last night... that's not something that happens often, so it was really good. it gave me a lot of things to think about... so thank you God for that opportunity!
and then the power came back at 3 in the morning and has been here since. so yay for electricity-having! now if i can only find something to do today... oh hey! i wonder if rohan's party is still on tonight... oooh! might do something with brandon and kalam tonight?
posted @ 12:13:00 p.m.
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Wednesday, August 13, 2003
out of sheer curiousity: after you've read this post, could you leave a comment? i want to know who reads this besides marco, rohan, and jess. (just watch it be only them... that's ok, i don't really publicize this thing much.)
sorry for the lack of interesting things to write about today. nothing really happened. but it was still a good and happy day (minus the hot weather).
posted @ 9:43:00 p.m.
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Tuesday, August 12, 2003
slight snag in the going-to-sleep-early thing tonight... it mainly being the fact that i just came home from dinner less than an hour ago.... a full, ten course meal... am now too stuffed to go to bed. actually, i DO feel sleepy, but i'm kinda grossed out at the thought of sleeping while i still so full of foodstuffs. the grand occasion? my aunt and uncle from australia just arrived in toronto tonight, so we took them out to dinner with the rest of the family. (sigh, my cousins are SO tyrannical, but SO cute... and they loooooove me! tee hee.) anyway, dinner was good.
so, it looks like nothing's going on with the queen's kids on friday at all...? too bad... i haven't seen them in a while... but i'm going to see them in less than a month! yay! OH NO! i need those queen's pics from victoria for simon's present! ack!
posted @ 10:59:00 p.m.
the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love. ~ galatians 5:6 (niv)
... our love should not be just words and talk; it must be true love, which shows itself in action. ~1 john 3:18 (tev)
so, give that stranger a smile, hug and encourage your friends, spend lots of quality t. i. m. e. with your family (yes, i realise that this can be extremely difficult sometimes/all the time) and loved ones... because when it comes down to it, love is what matters most...
these three things continue forever: faith, hope, and love. and the greatest of these is love. ~ 1 corinthians 13:13 (ncv)
guys, sorry for being so... off this past summer... but i think tiffany's finally back to the land of the living! (woot!) thanks to all of you for putting up with me (not just for these past few months, but for how many arduous years you've known me), i really appreciated it. remember, God loves you and so do i. *muah*
posted @ 6:56:00 p.m.
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Sunday, August 10, 2003
ATTENTION RADIOHEAD FANS:
my friend liz has one reserved and two lawn tickets available for the concert next saturday! if you're interested, let me know!
posted @ 11:21:00 p.m.
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ahhh... not that all of that is outta my system, i feel so much better! damn, this thing is SO cathartic!
anyway, you can all stop worrying about me now! all is well with the world again! :)
dag, yo. teen girl squad: ooooookay! i mean, sooooo good! (woot!)
ARROWED! (ow, my skin!) CHILDREN! (i didn't quite understand this one...) MSGed! (ow, my stomach lining!) POSSUM! (my blood hurts!)
oh marco, check out the bottom of the third post (this one, inclusive), and get back to me, ok?
posted @ 10:34:00 p.m.
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caution: rant below (please skip to the next post if you have no interest in reading self-indulgent, self-centered writings)
pang, noun
1. A sudden sharp spasm of pain.
2. A sudden sharp feeling of emotional distress.
it may be fleeting, but it was still there...
oh well, at least i've got danny ;)
i swear, this is all my "bad karma" coming back to bite me in the ass (to put it eloquently). i callously (but not intentionally) break one person's heart, and the same thing happens to me... damn. but maybe i deserve all this, i was such a jerk before. i don't know... he was so wrong about me, though - me, perfect? with paragons like that, no wonder i screwed him up for so many years.... but at least things are now great with him these days. i don't think things will be fine with the other guy for a long, long time... fucker. (ooops, i didn't just say that...)
i'm trying to keep contact to a bare minimum right now, even though this goes against everything else i feel/think. sheesh. all i want to do is just yell at him and ask him why he's acting like such a loser. but no, i'm the paragon of restraint - no initiating any communication b/c i don't want to "rush" or "crowd" him. why is it that i always try to do things in his best interest - even if it's not the best for me, when he doesn't give the same courtesy to me? damn self-centered bastard. and sadly, i don't even get the luxury of being mad at him anymore. this isn't even anger, it's now more-or-less acceptance (with more than a little tinge of bitterness). so we're still friends? yeah right! how can you be friends when you don't want to talk? or spend time together? how can a person change so much in a few months? it's sad, all i want to hear are those three words that he used to say all the time: i miss you. and i don't even mean in that other way either, but for me as a person. a friend. b/c i'd like to think i'm a person worth knowing. and to think that it used to bother me when he said it... well, it looks like you lied, mr "i am being honest!!!" whatever. you know, i'd rather just drop the label of being friends and just not be anything, since that's what we are (am i confusing anyone yet?). i've no interest in fake pleasantries.
whoa whoa whoa! danny just called! very unexpected!
dude, i would have said hi if i had seen you!
posted @ 9:49:00 p.m.
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blah. feel like doing something else this evening... and i've only been home for an hour, too! maybe i'll talk with someone on the phone - did that last night, talked with kalam for two whole hours! it was pretty good... managed to clarify a few things from looooong ago...
tasted the danforth today with erin... smoothies, souvlaki, and free samples... yum! (except for that free mango-peach tofu smoothie... ew...) plus i bought 30 hangers for 2 bucks! woot! 'twas good (except for that setback at broadview...), fun was had by all! ooooh! i saw big jon, kevin, and belle!
so... it's looks like i'm crown and anchoring... yup, if anyone needs me, i'll be at the ex... the guy i'm working with seems like a really nice, friendly guy... but apparently erin worked with him last year (hopefully we'll be working together this year!), and she said that he seems pretty nice at first, but then comes off as a little creepy (she learned to stop wearing shorts after a few days)... this worries me slightly because he kept winking at me - which i just took as him being encouraging - and erin says that she didn't recall him winking at a lot of people... ummm.... yeah, we'll see... i suppose it's a compliment? {shudder} anyway, for now, i just take it as him being nice... (just don't tell my parents about this!)
so i figured out that i might be able to make some of the thing on friday... but i'll have to leave at around 5 something... when were we supposed to meet? 3? 4? i don't remember.
man, that setback... :(
posted @ 7:45:00 p.m.
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Saturday, August 09, 2003
i'm sorry marco! don't be mad and shake your fist emphatically at me!
i'm not sure 100% yet if i'm free or not on friday, but i probably won't be...
:*(
uh... i'll buy you guys shrimp chips! there's nothing that can't be solved by those delicious snacks!
posted @ 7:45:00 p.m.
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ugh. just got back from kingston... last time i was there, i sprained my ankle... this time, headache-y car sickness! let me just say that our apartment's bathroom has now been christened... (sorry for the "ew factor".) anyway, all the big furniture's been moved in and i just have to bring up a smaller dresser or bookshelf, clothes, and my comp. phew! well, after alternately sleeping and dying for most of the day, i feel mucho better now. what i really want to do right now is sprawl out on my bed and sleep... oh wait! i can't! know why? b/c my bed is in freaking kingston! argh! so until my brother brings up his bed (it's identical to mine) from waterloo, tiffany will be sleeping on the couch for the remainder of the summer! hurrah...? (it's like i'm in the "dog house", without any of the marital problems... or perks. bah.)
i need inexpensive ways to decorate my room - add interest, colour, character, individuality, home-yness/comfort, and design... at this point i'm probably not going to paint my room, so are there any other suggestions?
posted @ 7:31:00 p.m.
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Friday, August 08, 2003
SHOOT!!!!!! i just realised that i can't make it on the 15th! jess and vic are going to kill me!!!!
posted @ 9:51:00 p.m.
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busy, busy day today...
went on a downtown wandering excursion with rolo and erin... the plan was to cover a giant dice with directions (right, left, straight ahead, back, you choose, and in the direction of the 'ARROWED! ow, my skin!') and just see where fate/the dice took us... well, it was a good idea... we might have to try it again sometime - um, i think we ended up using it a total of three times? that's ok... after a while (and lunch), it eventually directed us towards the eaton centre where everybody bought something (i bought that pottery barn candle holder and lotsa matching underwear ;p) it was a good day, had a nice long lunch with them... it was interesting hearing about their res experiences and hijinks... (unopened cartons of old yogurt...? ew.) thanks for comin' along, guys! oooh, we also ran into a whole buncha mci people: danielle (on the way to "work"), abhishek, victor and co. very cool bumping into them again! oh, and spishy and victor came up with a good idea on how to cure the university don't-know-what-to-do-itis... just put different activities or destinations on a dice and let that choose.... honestly, how much time would that have saved us last year? (now we just need a similar system for renting/watching movies.... ugh.)
afterwards, met up with parents and went to the new and improved wei shang tsien (sp?) restaurant in chinatown... very swanky-looking now, they're definitely trying to make it all "high-class and shit", as grace would say. after that, dropped by square one briefly with my brother, then we headed home... and here i am! avoiding packing things up for when i go to kingston tommorrow... sigh.
oh, am possibly going to the danforth on sunday in the afternoon with erin... any other takers? let us know.
posted @ 9:46:00 p.m.
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Thursday, August 07, 2003
damnation! it's starts at 6?! bah, the fates are all conspiring against me!!
how does sunday afternoon to evening sound for the danforth? in the meantime, you guys still want to do something this friday? i'm still open during the day...
have nothing really interesting to write about, so... bye!
oooh! ooooooh! HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESS, DEAR! whoa! you can legally gamble and drink in the states now! anyway, have a GRAND day!
s s s zhr sh s zh...
posted @ 1:25:00 p.m.
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Wednesday, August 06, 2003
ikea: a university student's decorating/furnishing dream come true...
posted @ 9:27:00 p.m.
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two laid back and absolutely gorgeous songs that i could play on loop forever:
> wake up in new york, craig armstrong ft. evan dando
> playground love, air (from virgin suicides soundtrack)
posted @ 6:37:00 p.m.
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i've finally come to a realisation... putting an end to all that crap...
and besides the occasional pangs, i think everything's going to look up again. :)
God brings much clarity.
ahahaha.... was reading your page, marco, and i swear, you better not turn out to be one of those guys who do that "the beach is that way" flexing pose... i've seen enough of that with my other guy friends to last a LIFETIME! trust me, male posturing often goes unnoticed... or accompanied with a few eye rolls...
plans for this friday: taste of danforth... anybody interested? planning on going during the day (hopefully), because it's the chinese father's day, so i might have to leave before dinner. it's the 8th month, 8th day... in mandarin, the number 8 said twice has the same sound as the word 'father' (baba).
my latest obsessions: chinese tongue twisters where everything sounds the same (44 stone lions... "s s s zhr, shr s zh") and shanghainese expressions ("de-ge vah-lezzeh! vah-ling!") honestly, it's all jenne's fault! i can't stop saying them!
posted @ 2:00:00 p.m.
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Tuesday, August 05, 2003
yesterday was a pretty good day (though there were some tough moments), because i got to spend it with jenne - dress shopping at square one. must... buy... that... dress... from... jacob... afterwards, we spent an hour at her house, before going to dinner with both our families. good food! man, it's weird seeing my brother with a girl... am SO not used to it...
cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be close to your special someone and feel warm, comfortable, and needed
What Sign of Affection Are You?brought to you by Quizilla
you are the "you suck, and that's sad" happy bunny. you're truthful, but can be a bit brutal.
which happy bunny are you?brought to you by Quizilla
posted @ 12:17:00 p.m.
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haha... i couldn't help looking, so i found that my picture was either gone or covered up...
oh wait, i don't find that funny.
back to restraint...
posted @ 12:12:00 a.m.
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must. exercise. restraint.
even if it kills me.
how am i going to do this? is it even possible?
i know everybody's right. it makes sense to me. i want to. but i'm struggling.
posted @ 12:03:00 a.m.
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Monday, August 04, 2003
thanks marco... :) can't wait to see you again on the 15th! and come september, i WILL be expecting the B&J minus the chocolate ex-lax...
had a black sunday afternoon yesterday... i hate how i get so overwhelmed with my emotions so easily.... had a complete and utter breakdown on the phone with brandon; my family kept asking me what was wrong... sigh. i just couldn't handle things, only two people helped me lapse briefly into sanity: brandon and jenne, and it's not like i can be around them 24-7. i was literally going nuts, reduced to tears, and feeling that all my previous efforts were all for naught. ugh. what a sucky, sucky day it started out to be. SUCKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[i feel so ridiculous writing this stuff out, but write it out i have to, even at the risk of you rethinking your friendship with me (on account of my patheticness and basketcase-ness). i hate the idea of you guys feeling sorry or exasperated with me, but i just gotta honestly write things out. thanks for puttin' up with me!]
and strangely enough, once i got to the softball diamond for our exhibition game, i felt immediately better. maybe it was kalam's idiotic attempts to cheer me up, hasib at our game to cheer grace and me on, or driving past a car on the highway that was pulled over by a cop and then suddenly realising that it was my best friend's (ok, i wasn't really happy about this b/c i'm not a sadistic friend, but it DID make me laugh). or maybe my mind was just taken off of things because my friends are wonderful and i love spending time with them. regardless, my evening was exponentially better than my afternoon. the game was good (and finally in the west-siiiide!) and we won 19-15. SO close. we were the away team and were up by ten, but in the last inning when they were up to bat, we played some sloppy defense and they managed to get six runs! (yes, hasib, it IS called a run in softball as well...) that's ok, it's only an exhibition... after the game, we headed off to the denny's on hurontario where we had some good eats, i got "tattooed" with a snake and heinz ketchup bottle on my arm, and i drew helpful labels all over jason (don't worry jay, you're still my first, even if you got injured). when i got home at 12, i did lose some of my newfound cheeriness, but just decided to go to read a little, look at some pics, and then go to sleep early.
today... meh. i don't know how i feel. not indifferent. not happy. not sad. but i AM looking forward to dress shopping with jenne today at square one. it'll be good to get outta the house, even if it Is to shop... (remember when i vowed never to shop again? yeah, i lied.)
posted @ 12:28:00 p.m.
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Sunday, August 03, 2003
i can't handle this anymore.
posted @ 5:57:00 p.m.
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Saturday, August 02, 2003
what is with this crazy weather?!? i can't believe it's sunny now when it's was raining torrentially at 2pm at the diamond! we only got to play half an inning (but we got six runs anyway!), and by the end of it, we were all soaking wet. at no time were we playing with no rain, it was just a matter of flood-type rain vs. lighter (but still heavy) rain... sigh. benita asked me if i had taken a shower or something... it better not be like this tommorrow! anyway, since the game got cut short, we headed over to gizelle's and then scarborough town centre for awhile. and now i'm home! should be leaving for the airport soon...
so this whole having-to-take-the-subway-to-york-mills thing was a blessing in disguise. the hour on train gave me time to catch up on my pdl reading and just meditate on the words. i think i'm making some headway on this "forgive and forget" thing... i'm harbouring so much resentment these days for different people, i have to learn to let it all go. the word of the day is surrender; surrender and trust God in everything i do. persevere. it's amazing how much light-hearted i felt by the time i got to the diamond, even in the rain and through the rest of the day! God is good.
still nothing in the inbox, though.
posted @ 7:22:00 p.m.
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hooray for friends being pissy at you for no good reason! yay!
sigh. it's not even lunch time and my mood is blah. must be the weather. i have softball today at 2pm in york mills... i don't feel like playing today! oh well. and then at 8pm we gotta go pick up my brother from the airport... it'll be good having him home! i'm sure he's got lotsa stories to tell...
so... i thought i got a phone call from somebody today, but it turned out to be hasib... who knew that their voices could sound so similar? for the first minute or so, i was filled with a bit of hope and unfounded happiness, but when i realised that it wasn't him, i fell back to reality with a sickening thud. bah. and now i'm in a further bad mood because of aforementioned friend. stupid weather, it's all your fault!
posted @ 12:03:00 p.m.
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good day today. ju, brandon and kalam came over for dinner and to hang for a bit before we left for matt mark's. goodness, i know i keep mentioning this, but me and the guys absolutely LOVE hanging out with ju! what other girl waters plastic plants? anyway, the meeting was good... though the charades were a little odd... "ham, eggs, and moses"? and how exactly do you act out the dvp anyway? but yeah, there were a lotta people there, and it was good just talking and joking around. i see good things in the future. there's another meeting in two weeks (but i just realised i'm meeting up with marco and co. that same night), for all of you interested, contact me!
been listening to so many sappy and/or melancholic songs as of late... not on purpose, it's mainly b/c they all sound so pretty! unfortunately, the lyrics make me grow introspective.
the song du jour (it's been on loop in the cd player):
wake up in new york, by craig armstrong ft. evan dando
"Wake up in new york/ Put a comb through your hair/ Don't you ever want to lie down/ When there's no-one else around/ I want to say this to you/
I know i hurt you/ You know you hurt me too/ Don't you ever want to lie down/ Close your eyes and leave the ground ?/ I want to get hold of you/
I'll meet you in New York/ By the drugstore on First Avenue/ And then we will lie down/ With the buildings all around/ I want to say this to you/ I want to say this to you"
sometimes when you're waiting for something, every minute that passes is absolutely torturous... my way of dealing with these things? by NOT dealing with them! it's great! i just go spend time with friends - instant relief! honestly, i love all my friends! i don't know what i'd do without you guys.... so if i don't say this enough to you, I LOVE YOU. thank you for being a part of my life and making my world a little bit of a nicer place to live. each and every single one of you! (even you, marco "mr. heartless machine and total only child" lo!) THANK YOU ALL!
"i thank my God every time i think of you." (phil. 1:3)
posted @ 1:03:00 a.m.
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Friday, August 01, 2003
one of the grosses bugs ever: house centipedes... {shudder}
aiya! jess can't make it on the 16th! boo! we might have to go with the week after (23rd/25th) when we have playoffs... we can't do it any earlier b/c ju's busy (and so am i) for the next few weekends... and i'm thinking weekends are the only times we can really get together b/c of people's different schedules and commutes and etc. i don't know. any suggestions? i'm fresh outta them!
who's oro? do i know you? do people that i don't know actually read this?
