name : tiffany
faith : christian.
nationality : cbc.
status : <3
living in : toronto.
school / major : UT / pharmacy
.: my stats, as of 11/05/06 :.
mood : tired.
likes : my friends. bunnies fronting as pillows. keeners.
dislikes : exams. lack of sleep. keeners.
wishlist : "connections".
current distractions : dexter, top model, heroes.
wondering : hmmm, is it too late for me re-learn study habits?
Saturday, November 29, 2003
oh no no no, you mistake me, kalam. i would NEVER ever let something as stupid as a boy (no offense intended!) dictate where i go or what i do. actually, had i known you were going to be there, i would have gone too. i thought it was going to be a whole bunch of "old fogeys" that i didn't really know anyway. plus, i knew that i was going to meet up with duncan for dinner tonight anyhow. so don't worry, i'm not some pathetic little girl who is hung up on a mean boy, i'm just a pathetic little girl who occasionally has a few moments of blueness. :)
{this begins the discussion of such a moment of blueness. if you dislike hearing me obsess over certain people, or just plain dislike those people, i suggest you skip down to the last three paragraphs}
had a miniature moment of blueness before dinner actually. i'm such a masochist... benita! i'm slipping! i'm not listening to your advice! the mode is off! :( so yeah, b/c i enjoy the torture, i went to check out his site just to see how he's doing and etc... and what do i see but a picture of him and her from a recent formal or something... ouch. (and he looked good too. double ouch. yes, yes, i know, i'm superficial.)
which raises up a few questions:
1) are they back together?
2) if not, does he still like her?
last i heard, she was going out with some other guy, but she still liked him.
3) why should i care?
b/c why shouldn't they go out if they did like each other? i mean, why not? and the more i think about it, i don't like him, i like the him he was. very different people, in my opinion (though you may beg to differ, kal). and i don't even know if it's in the same capacity either. f*ck. i don't want it to be anyway. i deserve better anyhow. (like someone who plays the guitar!!! :p )
-- oh hold on, am talking on the phone with brandon right now... apparently she's not going out with anybody. so i guess that answers my questions.
{this ends the blue period and begins the slightly-annoyed-and-bringing-up-the-past rant. feel free to skip down to the last three paragraphs.}
damn this pride of mine... i think that's the real reason why this stuff bums me out. the whole, "i'm forgettable" thing. i mean, nobody likes to feel like they were unimportant to a person. and in my case, that's how i feel. i mean, there's a big difference to talking almost everyday to not talking for months (especially when you're supposedly "friends"). oh, and can't forget about the declaration of feelings "oh, i'm telling you the truth, i do love you, you just can't handle it!" blah blah blah. what a load of bs. don't i feel stupid now... it stopped hurting long ago, but it still "stings" to think of it... as much as i didn't want to believe it, i probably was the "rebound" or "transition" girl - that's the only thing i can think of that really makes sense. he was just saying those other things to let me down "gently" or some garbage like that, i bet. and honestly, if you don't mean it, don't say it. don't lead people on. boys (and girls, too), i cannot stress this enough. BAH!
i was the person who was there for him when he went through all that crap with his ex, and i was there up until the kim thing. i'm still here now. and of course, she's the one who's mentioned, never me. i know i sound jealous, but you know what? i admit it, i am. actually, everybody else is mentioned except for me. "oh, i'm upset that so-and-so's mad at me, but no, i don't care about my 'best friend' enough". thanks, really. so i concede, you guys were right. we went about it all the wrong way.
ok, now getting kinda mad-ish. prolly more at myself for being such a twit, though.
(geeze, methinks i get riled too easily.) and though some of you think differently, he's not a bad guy. he's actually a nice guy, but one who can't really deal with certain situations well. and the purpose (though it may not seem like it) of me writing this, isn't to bash him. i just need to vent a little.
anyway, this next time, i'm not just going to wait for a certain person. i mean, to other people, that seems just fine... i thought it was fine too, but now i know i need more... i need something based in God... something that will help me grow, not stagnate. and so, i'll wait.
but why does it have to be so lonely?
sigh. probably b/c i'm not reaching out to Him like i should...
{this endeth the ramblings of this clearly crazy girl}
so anyway, feeling much better now with all that stuff outta my system... had a great dinner with my family, jenne's and duncan. dear, i approve! he's a thoroughly nice guy! often, when i meet my friends' boyfriends, i get little feelings of un-pinpointable uncomfortableness or dislike (and as we discovered later, for good reasons too), but in jenne's case, he really IS a nice guy! was expecting him to be a little more outgoing, but then again, he's meeting new people, so that's understandable. but yeah, i approve. he will not be receiving the benefit of my ccsa softball training... ;p
have also been talking with brandon and got off the phone with kalam just now. sooo goood to be talking with guy friends again... i miss them! but yeah, it's nice to know that i can amuse you! and bubba, sorry for confusing you. like i said, don't listen to me, just do what you feel is right.
meanwhile, yeah... got little work done today. atleast i did some? i don't know if i can get together with you tommorrow (since i'll be trying to cram in studying), but i'll see if i can "bump" into you for a little bit or atleast call you, ok liz?
