welcome to tiffanyville

achoo!

Sunday, June 15, 2003

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, DADDY!
not that you read this page... if you did, i think it would be kinda weird... like you'd find out stuff that i would really want you to know. i mean, i'm trying to be more open, honest, and candid with you and mom, but there are still some things i'd rather not divulge... i don't know, it's a chinese thing! you don't really talk with your parents about boys and stuff, you know?

yeah, so things this week have been really... let's say... rollercoaster-y emotionally... lots of ups and downs... but things are much better. i think that once i've had time to think about it, cry, talk to various people, write my feelings out on "paper"... i really become much more reasonable and calmer. things aren't as serious - not "life and death" or as final... i don't know. perhaps it's because i've vented it out through many different outlets, but... things fall into perspective afterwards.

you know what i think i should do? take more risks in life. i realised that i can get over things quite easily. when anything "devastating" (well, devastating for a teenage girl like me usually just means something about boys... shallow, i know...) happens to me, i really do get affected seriously at first. i mean, i get really, really upset and emotional. i'm like that for a day or two - maybe more, depending on the sitch - and then, i'm just... ok. you know? what always kills me is not the "bad news" but the indecision and unknown stuff that happens beforehand. i've spent many a sleepness night, just tossing and turning, and thinking. you know what i mean, if you're a girl. every moment is dissected into every little possibility, what-ifs play a large role, and moments are replayed over and over again in your head... when i find out something bad, that's just it. something bad. nothing more or less. nothing to really wonder about. it just happens, and you have to get over it. it's all so cut-and-dried. but when you wander into the hazier territory of "unknown"...

yeah, so i figure that i'll stop dwelling in my little dream-world and start going after the things that i want. or stop doing the things that i don't want or have or need to do. time for tiffany to be brave!

of course, this little brain wave could of happened at an earlier time and saved me much aggravation...

honestly, i AM going to miss you a lot. i wish i could have spoken up earlier. but, like my new attitude said, it's not the end by far, and i'm going to see you later!

posted @ 5:31:00 p.m.

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